Monday, 04 August 2008

• How would you grieve and heal after the death of a loved one?

  I have lost 5 loved ones in 8 years.  It never gets easier.  Praise God, they are all with Him now.  None of the deaths were expected.  In 2000, my Grandpa had just had a tripple bypass, he was about to go home from the hospital... things looked great.  He slipped and fell and the suchers came out and he bled to death internally.   I was angry with God for answering my prayer for a safe surgery only to allow that to happen.  A few months later, my great grandmother died.  She was the healthiest she'd been in months and died in her sleep.  In 2004, my 33 year old uncle and his 11 year old son were killed in a horrible accident with another father and son.   Matt was a fireman and Chance was their only child.  Last year I miscarried our first child.  2 years ago my precious horse was lost in a barn fire.  That in itself was somehow harder to deal with than losing my Christian loved ones with the exception of our baby. 

  When I grieve it typically starts with shock, then incredible anger (unfortunately, my anger is directed towards God), then unspeakable sorrow.  During this I shut out people from my feelings, except Daniel (my husband).  Then when grief starts to fade, I feel peace and joy for them.  Because I know where they are, and it is a far better place than here.  To help myself heal, I pray every time I feel sadness or anger.  I praise God in all things.  I still keep the baby blanket I had received while I was pregnant, and pull it out occasionally to remind me of the baby, and to remember how God was with me.   I kept my horses halter and bit... the only things found in the remains of the barn.  I keep momentos of my loved one to have part of them with me here.  I cannot imagine losing a non-believing loved one.  I pray that I never have to go through that. 
  
     

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